Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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