Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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