Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
