matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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