True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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