yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
