Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
