I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
