So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
