I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
