Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
