Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
