i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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