I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
