The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
