idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They are going to name an STD after you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
