So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
