Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
