i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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