how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
