marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Jerry, you need to find god
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
