i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
