I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
