Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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