I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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