ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
