Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
