Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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