Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
