im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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