He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
