I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
