I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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