Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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