you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
