My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
