I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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