Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
