Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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