holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
