It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
