i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
