Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
