May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
