i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
