so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
