She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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