Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
