wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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