My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
