BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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