I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
