ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
