i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
