My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
