We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
