man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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